I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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