I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
