just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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