We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
