Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
