I wanna bring you to show and tell
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize