woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
