When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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