When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
