Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
there is puke in my bra ... again
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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