Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
