Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
