Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
