How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
