Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
