So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
