Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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