Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
