when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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