He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
