Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
