I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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