I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
