Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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