id be glad to
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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