U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
