Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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