Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
