dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
