dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
