everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Is Oprah even human
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize