So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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