After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
