someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
