I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
