Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
