Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
