So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
