I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
How naked do you want me to be?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize