So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
