Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
