I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
he had hair everywhere except his balls
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
