I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
