Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Randomize
