Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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