I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
