It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize