Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
