guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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