just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize