At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
this is an emotional support booty call
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
