he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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