Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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