So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I can't turn off my feet"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize