I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize