Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
