I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
