There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I love you. Go after that dick
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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