Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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