pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Go christen that room with your naked body.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
