if only i could text you this smell
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
