Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize