i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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