We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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