Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
