I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
