It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
