Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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