I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
